WELCOME to the crazy, crazy world of parenting!
Being a young desi mom, you will be surrounded by a lots of people who would consider it their duty to judge you for the way you bring up YOUR babies, offer you a huge stock of unsolicited advice or else shower you with the stories of their ‘immaculately fool-proof’ past experiences. Although this human psyche exists all over the world, interestingly it is more common in our desi households where people tend to be OR act more well-knit, and consider it their duty to help you benefit from all their ‘wisdom’.
While, there is all kind of colorful stuff you get to hear during this time (and later too), from experience we can assure you that these are the FIVE TRULY MAGICAL phrases that a new mom ACTUALLY needs to hear, and would thank you for saying to her:
1 . “GOOD JOB”!
Consider yourself SOOPER LUCKY, if you have ever had the privilege of hearing these crisp two magic words.
Young desi moms are considered naive and inexperienced, who simply can NOT be wise enough yet to make right parenting decisions. Fortunately, we are living in a time where there is a sea of information from all sources available at an arm’s length. Backed with right education and experiences, today’s desi mom is way smarter and more intelligent than our previous generations.
Bringing a baby into this world and caring for them is NOT a piece of cake. Every new mom goes through all those sleepless nights and a tedious day routine for at least first few months, apart from all the physical changes her body went through. Even if she does make some innocent blunders here and there, NOBODY has a right to belittle her in those testing times.
Every new mom must be reminded of what a GREAT, GREAT job she has done by going through the toughest nine months, avoiding all her favorite stuff, (tea, chocolate, caffeine and junk) bearing through all the pre-natal discomfort may that be lack of sleep, mobility issues or even low self-worth with all those extra pounds. You have been a champion by giving birth to an entirely new human being, and who cares if you had a normal delivery or a cesarean, whether you are breastfeeding or formula feeding, whether you are back to pre-pregnancy size in a few weeks or struggling with heaps of kilos even after a few months…..just know that you HAVE and ARE doing an EXCELLENT JOB!
Motherhood is NOT for faint-hearteds!!
2. “YOUR BABY, YOUR DECISION!”
Needless to say that THAT should be a universal rule of thumb when it comes to parenting. Say these magic words to a new mom, and see how she goes to cloud number 9 in a micro second.
Even if those well-wisher khalas, phuphos, mamis and chachis of yours raised an army of children and might sound like baby experts leaving you dubious about your choices, PLEASE remember that God has empowered you with a single most power tool i.e Motherly instinct, and NO amount of experience will guide you better than your own gut when you have to find out if your baby is hungry or uncomfortable, or when it’s about what is the best choice you could make for you or your baby. You will be surprised at how strong the maternal instincts work as a guiding force. The whole world will tell you umpteen reasons on why the baby could be crying, while you will simply know it’s the ‘POOP’!
Being a new mom in a desi environment can be pretty tough. There is a big bunch of people around, usually the closed ones and chances are that all these people give you some random advice and leave you completely clueless and confused amidst all that family or peer pressure.
DON’T lose hope and follow your instincts. Remember, “Your baby, Your decisions”. And this mantra should continue to rule for the rest of your life.
3. “IT’S TRIAL AND ERROR”
It is ABSOLUTELY OK if you make a few ‘boo-boos’ here and there on your parenting journey, or if you have failed miserably with a few wrong options before finally concluding to a right one. Parenting is NOT a single smooth road, it is a journey full of bumps and obstacles and along the way, you WILL learn a lot. NO amount of expertise whether from your doctor, family or media will teach you more than your own ‘hands-on experience’ with your baby. Each baby is unique and what went right for your sister’s baby might not go right for yours. Same goes for your other children too, as what clicks for one might not for others. With trial and error, figure out what works best for your baby (ies) and your family.
And once you do, PLEASE don’t pass it on as a final holy word for your generations to come.
4. “THIS TOO SHALL PASS!”
Ahhh……WHAT a comforting thing to hear!
It would be a great idea to print and hang this phrase somewhere on the wall, or use it as your wallpaper to read it hundred times a day in those early parenting years.
While the first few months of having a baby around seems like an interminable period, there WILL be an end to it and before you know it will pass like a fleeting dream and oh yes, you will greatly miss all that time. You WILL sleep, you WILL get an ample amount time to take proper meals, and you WILL be spotted in clothes other than your PJs (wow now that’s a great news 🙂 )
What will remain always though is your ‘Parenthood’. Once a parent, always a parent. There is no way out of this role you have so heartily accepted, no escape. Your little ones will always be babies for you, even when they have little ones of their own. In a matter of time, they will be out and about, demanding independence, and your heart will be walking outside your body accompanying them wherever they go…….so enjoy this privileged ride while it lasts 🙂
5. “MOTHERS FIRST!”
A new mother is usually juggling between her new role as a mom, and her other roles. She goes through a lots of emotional, mental and physical turbulence during all this process of bearing a child. She might have lost her self-esteem somewhere in the middle of those extra pounds, swollen de-shaped post partum body, stretch marks and bad skin.
While it helps a great deal in realizing this fact that you HAVE to put yourself first, sometimes people around us really put us down and tell us to put ourselves on the back burner till the babies do grow up. Don’t, PLEASE, DON’T do that to yourselves and to your babies too…..and surround yourselves with people who tell you that you ARE NUMBER ONE!
Napolean said such a great thing indeed: “Give me good mothers and i shall give you a great nation”. A woman who has no self-worth and esteem and is in a confused state of mind, will NOT be able to produce great children. You pass on the substance you have, to your kids. Pass them the right stuff, and PUT yourself on a top priority.
Dress your best in pregnancy and post delivery. Dismiss those jealous cunning looks when you are back in your heels and best form in a few weeks after having a baby. Take out time for proper exercise and meals. Take help from a trusted family member to babysit and go get a manicure/ pedicure. Have a dinner date with your spouse, MINUS your baby and minus the guilt.
don’t forget the magic words….
“If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”! 🙂