Early morning at gym today, some elderly ladies ended up having a discussion on the topic of fertility. (Ten points to you for guessing how the conversation got kicked off at first place O.o) The session took an interesting turn when one of the senior members who happens to be a doctor too, advised another 40+ to plan a 4th baby since the “3rd, youngest” one would be left alone all life. (Secretly i felt relieved that the spotlight got steered away from me:p )
What followed was a varying mix of perspectives coming from women of different backgrounds and ages. A very ‘intellectually’ enlightening conversation kicked off :p
This was just one day and such incidents happening every second day only add to my amusement.
One thing about being in your 30’s is that you somehow come across a lot moms and moms to be. Every single one comes up with their unique ‘mommy-tale’! While some dived into parenthood unwittingly, many others are swimming through troubled waters in a hope to make it first, second or third time. Late marriages, hiked up hormonal issues, sedentary lifestyle, family pressures and stresses of being a millennial have brought to surface a multitude of side effects.
My close encounters with a mix of ‘content experienced moms’, ‘distressed hopeful moms’ and “khushkhabri kab do gee” aunties helped me deduce a few opinions of my own and i proudly (in a way self-righteously) bring forth to you these FIVE RULES OF FERTILITY.
1. Thou Shalt take care of your “NOSE”
Ladies PAHLEEZ keep your prying eyes and nose off other people’s reproductive lives. You never know what fight they battle. Serious biological issues. A tough marriage. Tight finances. Poor mental health where having kids is a scary thought. Or simply, entirely different preferences than yours. A deeper passion for their career, dreams, selves, lives, partying or whatever. Maybe they are super HAPPY being a twosome, happier and more content than somebody with a whole soccer team at home.
A couple’s fertility is NOT your problem… but your nose is, so please take care of that!
2. Thou Shalt Understand your Body
If you have to listen to one person, let it be “your body”. Look close and understand the signals it gives you to identify the underlying problem. Not all acnes or facial hair need spot or laser treatment, not all the times do those stubborn pounds need fad diets and not all the stress, fatigue and depression means you are a lazy ass. AVOID QUICK FIXES. Walk away from what society sells to you and get your body examined and hormones tested.
I know a couple of ladies who are downright frustrated because of their inability to conceive but turn a complete blind eye to their hormonal or physical issues. Your gynecologist might have told you that you are totally normal but did you know that “hormones” are not their area of expertise. Please approach an endocrinologist.
3. Thou Shalt Choose to be Intelligent/ Educate yourself
The biggest favor you can do to yourself is to stay informed. About your body and other things related to conception. Our desi generation was raised amidst a plethora of myths and stereotypes. So much that its sometimes hard to tell the right from wrong. But also in current age of super accessible information, it is totally a crime to not make well-informed decisions. For instance, i still find it weird when women don’t know about “ovulation/ fertility window” or PCOS. Both the basic potential triggers to infertility.
4. Thou Shalt Be “Solution oriented”
Once an issue has been identified, immediately seek solutions instead of wasting time. Reach out experts, please not the ones your phuphi, chachi, taayi ‘highly’ recommended or the totkas they swear upon. Dude, technology has advanced a hundred times since their times. Look for experts who are on par with current trends. Seek help from reliable friends/ family/support groups or sites. Just whatever you do, do it OUT of your comfort zone.
This particular piece of advice comes from a lady who has a single teenager girl born through IVF procedure. Her exact words …..DON’T WASTE precious time once you know there is a problem. Our bodies become less responsive to treatments as we age, so why waste years waiting for some miracle to happen? Maybe the doctor you go to is a God-sent miracle for you. Btw, i HIGHLY recommend ICSI in Islamabad.
5. Thou Shalt Be content with God’s Plan!
When you have tried your best and you don’t succeed, tighten up your faith and hold on to the belief that Allah is the greatest planner. Don’t buy the ticket to the pity party people will try to sell to you right, left and center. Because there are no kids. Because there is a single child with no company. Because there are girls but no son. Because there are brothers but no sisters. Happiness is not created by an increasing number of kids, its a state of mind which comes with being thankful of what we have. “If you don’t have what you like, start liking what you have”!
Children derive energies from their parents. Please don’t have them buy into the negative ones you are breeding. Teach them to be resilient. Its OK to be a single child or brother-less set of sisters. That’s how God planned it and that’s how life is. Be grateful!
[Disclaimer: The text written above is totally my personal opinion derived out of my personal research and it holds no medical significance ]
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